Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
