I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
