Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize