So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Pants are for mortals
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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