I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
