I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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