i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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