You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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