You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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