One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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