the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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