I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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