Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
