i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
