i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
