Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
