don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize