Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
