I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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