The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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