chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
