I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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