Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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