I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
