Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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