Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize