There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
