Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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