no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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