is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
