Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
