don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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