why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
