My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
