Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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