i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
They have beer where we have blood.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
