I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Randomize
