What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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