I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
