I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
