well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Randomize
