Pregnant stripper...not hot.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
