I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
