I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Randomize
