forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
