epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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