how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
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