At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
