i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Please don't give away my fajitas
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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