im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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