he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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