drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
