So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
