i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
