I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
You dont lie about slip and slides
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize