i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
