Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
organizing the empties. That sober.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
