Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
