Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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