i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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