I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
