I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
