Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
