I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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