she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
