Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
