Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
