Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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