what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
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