if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
