Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(763): View more from Minnesota

there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it

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(727): View more from Florida

I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up

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(765): View more from Indiana

Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.

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(757): View more from Virginia

I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka

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(541): View more from Oregon

I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.

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(519): View more from Ontario

ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.

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(630): View more from Illinois

230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap

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(709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact

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