why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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