I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
