something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
What a dumb baby whore.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
