I just made out with a guy for $7.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize