just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
