don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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