She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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